In light of the barrage of crap my attempts at gardening is getting from every angle, including the literal angle in which cats are digging up and defecating my plants, I created this Karl Pilkington-esque poem.

Caterpillars eating leaves

Whiteflies spreading disease

Cats spoiling the soil

Gnats causing turmoil

Vandalized by snails

Life as I know it fails

Algae killing the roots

The ant army relentlessly loots

What did I do to deserve this invasion

It’s hardly fair on this occasion

Neighbouring plants? prosperous beings

But all I’m left with are a few lousy beans.


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