In light of the barrage of crap my attempts at gardening is getting from every angle, including the literal angle in which cats are digging up and defecating my plants, I created this Karl Pilkington-esque poem.
Caterpillars eating leaves
Whiteflies spreading disease
Cats spoiling the soil
Gnats causing turmoil
Vandalized by snails
Life as I know it fails
Algae killing the roots
The ant army relentlessly loots
What did I do to deserve this invasion
It’s hardly fair on this occasion
Neighbouring plants? prosperous beings
But all I’m left with are a few lousy beans.