On dependence

This is just a bit of a thanks for everyone who has contributed to my current survival. Most of this thanks is related to finances, but also encouragement, company, organisation and simply joining me on the mess of a journey it has been.

For others reading, Basically I left Vietnam, but Vietnam stamped a single stamp on my passport on a page I specifically demanded not to stamp, and as a result I had one page short for a visa in China, so I was left with one option; go back to England.

This, and all the complications that came with it cost me thousands of dollars when you include the fact that I also had to go to China initially, and to Hong Kong and back. Hong Kong ain’t cheap. All those flights ain’t cheap. Trains and subways and hotels all over don’t help either. Neither did the hefty price tag on the new passport and visa application.

So, thanks to that little stamp, I became a lot poorer than expected, and in the wrong continent. 

So I want to say thanks to those who helped me financially first, since it’s the money that haunts me the most. I have been almost entirely independent for years now, and it has always been me doing the lending to others. It feels uncomfortable and wrong being the other way around and I’m tired of having to constantly think about what I can and cannot afford.

It overwhelms me when I think in a sphere around me and see all these places with all these people in them that are willing to do so much more for me than I ever expected or imagined, and that gives me a lot of faith in them as family and friends. I feel confident that no matter what mess I get into and no matter what risks I decide to take to push my life a little more in the right direction, there will always be at least one person there to sort me out and get me to the other side, or at the very least, ride the waves with me.


Thanks to my mum for sharing her redundancy money with me, and for helping me journey back and forth on buses in England, and putting me up for ages and feeding me for free while I was there. You already know this of course but it’s cool to immortalize it online.

Thanks to my dad for lending me a big chunk of money to get me by and also taking me on a very memorable day out which took my mind back almost as if I was a kid again down by the locks and cows and horses and blossoms, and generally for putting up with my absurdly long winded emails about practically nothing other than my financial woes.

Thanks to my sister also for putting me up in Leicester for the brief time I was there, joining me in Doom and other inane nonsense, and generally for keeping in touch constantly, more than anyone else.

Thanks to Stippe, Jung, Tyler and others who even so much as hinted at helping with money should I need to, although thankfully I have survived without resorting to that!

Thanks to various people in China, which I don’t need to mention really since they’re right here and I can say it to their faces if I haven’t already 200 times, but you all make me feel very comfortable and at home in a place which is quite frankly very uncomfortable and unhomely in it’s darker days. 

I’ll just thank Navin, even though he’s more broke than I am, but his presence online and his inspiration in creativity and help with various ideas for work and his vivid descriptions of a continent so far away have kept me sane and cheerful, despite the time zone differences. 

If I didn’t mention you, you clearly don’t deserve it. Try harder.


As for my future, I have enough work and salary now to become pretty darn comfortable again, as I have been for so long before. It’s simply a matter of waiting for the months to cycle round and cough up what I am owed. 

My life will go like this.

  • Get paid, pay off rent/debts, broke. Stay at home, eat cheap food.
  • Get paid, pay off more debts, money to spare to establish my new home fully etc
  • Get paid, pay off more debts, enough money to start doing the things I enjoy, taking photos and thinking creatively.
  • Keep paying off debt, but otherwise life is lovely again.

None of that seems like particular torture to me. I mean, it’s not like I have an urge to go clubbing or to the beaches of Australia. Pretty content sitting on my sofa writing stuff and planting sunflower seeds. 



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