A problem for most people is, well, people.
Sure, some of you goons get along with people really easily and just carelessly gallivant around life, making wonderful friends and lovers, partners and end their life pretty much socially satisfied.
Sure, they accidentally murdered their one true love, and smoked themselves into paralysis, but on their death bed, as I stare at them, I can’t help wonder how they somehow manage to look down on me, as I loom over them with my own social inferiority yet unyielding health..
I don’t really know what it’s like for most people, but for me it is like one of those rooms with mirrors on either side of the walls, causing a sort of infinite hallway.
The goal is of course to reach the end, so I take a step into the mirrored eternity in the form of progress. Satisfied with myself, I give a pat on my own back. Sure, it’s just one step but I achieved it myself, me. I take a look back to see what I left behind… Ok, so it looks more or less the same. I look forwards, and… it looks more or less the same.
With that progress, stepping through the eternal glass, I’ve not only left a part of me behind in order to better suit the world, but I’ve also unlocked eternity +1, further into the distance ahead. Surely, if I moved one space, and eternity looks the same, someone has gone and added an extra step.
What’s going on?
Well, at first I just thought it was some sort of cruel joke. Trying to throw me off, confuse me. But then I realised it’s not very funny, and really, just annoying, and at points pretty upsetting.
How does one satisfy another? By being more confident like everybody demands I become (because for some reason confidence is a prized possession that nobody should be without), the more arrogant I get.
The more educated I become, the more argumentative I get. The more thoughtful I become, the less sensitive I get. The more sensitive I get, the less manly I get. The funnier I become, the more superficial I become.
Each time a step is made, I’m creating two new steps; one behind, one ahead. What on earth am I supposed to do?
Well, there is an obvious solution, but I hate it; break all the mirrors.
If I was to try and apply this to the metaphor in some way, I suppose I mean, destroy everything I am. Change my image and become a… normal person. But even though it’s obvious, it’s not a real option for me.
Sure, I constantly try to build myself, improve myself, but for some reason, certain parts of me that cannot be changed any more than the colour of my skin are a complete hindrance and I repeatedly have to just accept that this is it. This is who I am. Some people just aren’t meant to have success in certain areas of life. ‘people’ is probably that area for me, along with so many others like me.
Sorry guys, I think it’s just time to accept it, drop the whining and complaining and just put more efforts into stuff like gluing your fingers together or building a greater future for other people’s children, because you ain’t gonna have any of your own, and if you do, they’ll either socially reject you, or become social rejects. Either way, they won’t really take any finger-gluing time out of your schedule.
life has a lot of perception factors. We all think it’s human to be moral, but morality is an individual’s perspective.
Do I cheat on this person because they cheated on me? surely, that’s only fair, right?
Do I leak these documents which publically vomit the truth about our government, even though it’s committing espionage and will create a life long fugitive out of me, forcing me to leave my family, friends, money and everything I’ve spend my life building up to?
Do I kill my wife, who is permanently damaged physically, unable to do any tasks, and begs for death every day?
Do I raise my child a Muslim because I happen to be a Muslim, too?
Should I buy this smart phone, knowing that I could keep my old one and give the extra $500 to a starving man?
The answer to these, whether or not you think you agree on them, are generally one sided for the most of us, because that is how we are raised and taught, and that is our expectations. Some have more gray areas, but I think we are all largely expected to seek happiness, to have friends, raise a family.
It just seems intuitive and obvious that we follow this linear path to our graves. Well, for some people, it’s not so simple. For some people, personal happiness is the least of their concerns. For some people, raising a family in their current situation, in their state would be morally unjust for their potential child. For some people, having a way with people just isn’t that important.
Countless times, I find myself saying, rather matter-of-factly, that I do not get along with people in large groups, and I make various other observations about flaws in my own personality in regards to social expectations.
What do you think comes back at me? An entire cavalcade of pity and down looks, advice on how to be better than I am, self righteous know-it-all tips on how to be more like them, because they just so happen to apply more accurately to the international expectation that we need to become that thing… you know, ‘confident’. Meet new people. ALWAYS make sure we’re happy. If we’re not, quit or move out or change something!
I’m pretty certain it’s not just me who sometimes just wants to sit and be exactly who they are, who they became and who they will always be, even if it ends up buried beneath the surface in an attempt to get a lucrative career as a charismatic businessperson.
Unfortunately, for a lot of people, that hidden person is a lazy, unlikable buffoon who doesn’t belong in society. I think it’s about time to get out of the cities.